Wanna feel the rush of the ocean

So I quit my job today. My last day is Wednesday. The ironic thing is that they let me do a ton today but I'm not sure if that's a fluke or not. Anyway I have to go walking and exercising with my mom but I really do need to get in shape and I'm gonna do some exercise slash fun type things. Oh well...I know I need to work out so I will because I do want to look good for me and for some other people...one in particular.

Why do I feel bad that I quit?? More like guilty because I've never quit anywhere before. I'll write again soon but just needed to say I'm sorry that I felt weak. Also, I know I'll have up and down days about my decision because it wasn't horrible but it wasn't what I expected 95% of the time.

Okay so I ended up feeling like crap and my stomach was staging a coup. I ended up almost puking and my mom wonders why/how I got myself so worked up about work. I'm just way too hypersensitive to people I guess....some of them not liking me, me trying too hard, work sucking cause I'm not getting trained and working way more than I thought. I ended up making the drive up to work but felt really sick by the time I got up there because the bumps in the road didn't help. I talked to Nancy about doing 3-4 nights a week some time between 4pm and 8am and kept around 25 hours a week. She was cool with that which means I'll have time for the school work that has been put on the back burner till now. My stomach still is a little off balance. That's the first time ever that I let anxiety about work affect me so much and work isn't THAT bad. I feel weak now :O(

I couldn't sleep AT ALL last night...errr...this morning. Anyways now I'm gonna be tired for my 12 hour shift. I am going to talk to the manager today and see if I can get a more set schedule and cut down my hours to 24 hours/week mainly at night since they origionally told me 25-30 (which I thought would be more towards 25 to begin with) since I haven't done any work for my class in a week and a half. Thank god I did some ahead before starting work. Hopefully that will go okay, if not, I may have to choose class over work. I just know I can't function a class when I'm working 40+ hours and driving 45 minutes each way or working 33 but doing a 7-Midnight and then back at 7:30 for 8 hours. I have no pattern to get classwork accomplished. Cross your fingers and toes for me.

So I got the cold shoulder today at work from a few people. i don't know what i did :O(

Last night I heard one of the girls talking about someone lying on their application. I know I didn't lie on mine but, being me, I'm so paranoid that people think I did. Also, work over all sucks. The guy who runs it said it would be a great, different, fast paced job. 80% of what we see in the clinic is not that different from normal practices except that we're 24 hours and have a little bit better ability to treat it. All of the orthopedic stuff that is interesting is done by the surgeon and his team. The techs do everything and the doctors just kind of hang around and we fill them in if anything changes. And the stupid 8 week training protocol is cool....if you actually train them in the 8 week program. So far I'm done with 2 and haven't been "trained" to do anything besides kennel stuff which is so far above what I can do.

And I got told about kinking a line last night and then I accidentally did it today and got told about it again as if I didn't know the consequences and had no idea about anything. Plus it was one of the girls giving me the shoulder. It's just not what I had expected. I know I came in as a tech assistant and I don't mind the whole "training so everyone is on the same page" thing but dammit as least get me to do something! I could have stayed in Illinois, worked at the Wildlife clinic as a volunteer and seen and done a hell of a lot more. I'm frustrated about work and sad that some people don't seem to like me when I'm trying so hard to be nice and friendly. :O( :O(

Am I that hard to like and get along with?????? :O( :O( :O( :O(

So I passed my first year of veterinary school with a decent amount of breathing room heading into next year. Whew!

I started last week at the Animal Emergency Clinic. The only drawback is their 8 week training period which I'll be gone at the end of. Anyways, they are supposed to train me on the front desk and rooms which neither I do really. Once girl asked me if I did injections before, which I have, but I had her check my calculations and method of injecting and all. She said it was cool. When then the lovely girl (also entering year 2) from Penn comes in the next night tells me to not do anymore injections. Cause I haven't drawn blood, given injections, run labwork, etc etc before. The thing is why don't they start training me on treatments and hospitalizations since that will be where I am 95% of the time. Then worry about the rest. Illinois trusts me euthanizing animals and treating animals on my own in the wildlife clinic plus all the experience I've had at day practices. You'd think they would too. Oh well. I have to work with her on Friday and Sunday. Luckily Sunday Stacy the girl who worked with me will be there. I just don't like, her 'tude and acting like she is above everyone in knowledge. Sorry she just rubs me the wrong way....people like her were exactly why I didn't want to go to Penn. I've worked with nice vets from Penn but most tend to be like her.

Anyway...glad to be home and getting to do some stuff. Taking a medical terminology class online for elective credit....get's three more out of the way.

Gotta go to bed....Catch ya on the flipside!

So yeah it's been a while. Vet school has been incredibly crazy...actually I have to run and study for finals and a quiz in immunology on the last day of class. Worried about GI Physiology since physiology is my bad subject. Oh well I just wanted to say hi to everyone and I'll update once finala are over hopefully...

No I didn't mean green fairy....and no I'm not drunk....just tired. That's right...this overworked, time deprived vet student said she's tired. How many days till Thanksgiving break??? I know there are 48 days (including weekends) until I fly home for Christmas.

Three tests next week and I need to do really really well on one of them. The other two I can do average on but I would like to do good on them so I have a little bit of a buffer going into finals.

Oh....Happy Belated Halloween. Had exactly 1 trick or treater. Also I got kinda tipsy/drunk on Friday night at the Vet Fraternity Party...well more like after at Ann's apartment. Even though i'm not a HUGE fan of beer...I did it. I played beer pong. I did pretty good for my first time. Although I will say Miller Lite tastes like ass! Never again. ever...in a million years....with a gun to my head.

Definitely had an odd weekend of drinking, procrastinating, and sleeping most of the time away. I guess it was a makeup for the sleep I missed last week and the sleep I'll miss this week.

Gotta go to Endocrine. Look at me get up and run to class.

Hey so I'm in the most boring class in the world..."Your Future in Vet Med." My exam on Friday in Anatomy is going to be killer. I take the written exam first and then the practical....not fun! I'm starting to get really nervous and a little anxious. Cross you fingers....imagine you had to know literally everything from the diaphragm down. That's a lot of shit to learn over two and a half weeks.

Well gotta run. This is my forced relaxation time...before the stress increases to where I'm an anxiety-ridden lump of goo.

SO it's crazy....as always. Huge anatomy practical and lecture exam on thursday. Gonna be killer....basically I need to know everything from the diaphragm down on the cat and dog. That's a lot of shit to know. School is going pretty good so far.....very busy and a lot of work but I hope it's worth it in the end.

Wanted to give a shout out to Maria who is designing this new layout. Doesn't she just rock your world??? I know she does mine :O)

Gotta run.

So I got a new kitten. His name is Capra. He's 4 months old and all black (save one tiny white spot on his tummy). He's going to the vet today to get checked out. He's been really scared with the big storms we've been having. And he has a URI (upper resp. infection) which i'm treating him for. He's a sweetie though....purrs all the time and likes to cuddle up with you.

Got a B (2 pts shy of an A *frowns*) on my Histology Exam # 1. Now on to Gross Anatomy Practical and Written and Neurobiology practical next week. So it starts!!!

So the kitten died. I'm still gonna adopt one though. They think he had a congenital defect or something. I also had the most horrible start to my day. I was walking one of the blood donor dogs, Sadie, this morning outside. She was a little ahead of me and went toward something in the grass. Long story short, she found two baby bunnies. She stepped on one and we had to put it down. The other came in just after. I thought she didn't get the other but i guess she had. I dont know if the put the other one down yet but I feel so horrible. I feel like i should have known there were bunnies randomly there or kept an even closer eye on where sadie was going. Life sucks ass sometimes.

Also finished my first practical. Hope i did well. it went so so

TTYL

BTW Thank you Maria for the gift of a PAID account! :O)

Okay so I promise to update at some point with all the happenings over the past few weeks at vet school. Right now I'm posting to let Ria see my new Kitten Connor. He's 4 weeks old right now so I won't get him for another 4 weeks probably. He'll be neutered and up to date on his vaccs. and I don't have to pay anything cause I'm a vet student!!!!! He's the runt of the litter so he probably will be a small cat but he's the needy one. He loves to be up on you and held. He's so adorable!

So now here he is....my little connor

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v122/brazentalons/connor.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v122/brazentalons/Conor_1.jpg


Love ya guys!!

Cheryl

I'm gonna go bonkers. I probably should have taken Physio in college. I just don't get it very well. That's gonna be my hard subject. Gotta go to bed so I can get up and take care of the Hawk and Turtle in the wildlife clinic at 8 am before classes. tomorrow night after a stop by the willdlife clinic....home to study Phyiso probably.

This year will make me certifiably insane...if I'm not already!

I moved. I am now at www.greatestjournal.com with the same name: vet_girl

You can link here

http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/vet_girl/

Well our filming at West Mountain was fun. Bob, Maria and I had a blast and a a few, rather a lot, of laughs. I'll post all about that perhaps later tonight. I also got accepted to Ross University for the fall 2005 semester. YEAH!!! The rest of the schools I won't hear from about interviews until at least late january. At least I will be going somewhere and will be a vet!!!!!

I called melissa on sunday because I was at Roomie's house and saw some old pictures. I had been thinking about her for a while so I got up the nerve to call her. She's doing okay but I realized I missed the idea of her and the relationship/love feeling we had more than I missed her as a person. It was good for me. It helped me let go of her when I didn't really realize I had still been holding on ya know??? Well going to dinner with my mom and then who knows but I'll probably be on later to update more completely.

I miss my scranton crew! I also miss my best friends (ria and babobski) lol

Okay so I'll write more later but I wanted to say I had a blast with Ria and the fam at the Fair yesterday. I feed deer!!!! They were so cute. Maria and I had a blast...it was a great time. I'll fill you in on everything later...gotta run. Stuff to do!

I read today that there is a very good chance that the next president will pick lots of new judges for federal positions because many are due to retire. That means issues like abortion and gay rights will be supported or rejected, causing problems in the future. Read the article at the following address:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=1963&e=8&u=/ap/20040927/ap_on_el_pr/judges_election

They say it is an issue that should be more noticed in the upcoming election and I wholeheartedly agree.

Do we want rights for gays and lesbians to never see the light of day? Do we want the right of women do control their own bodies to be repealed? Do we want religion and religious ideals not uniform to the whole of society reigning supreme over a land designed for the separation of church and state??? I don't.

Vote Kerry Edwards and save our rights.

So I'm in Hyland with Maria like old times. Except I'm only visiting on my way to a PVMA meeting on Dentistry. Almost finished with vet school applictions round 2. Just fixing and reworking my Illinois essay. Then I'll submit that and I'll be done. I have a good feeling about this time around. Time will tell. I miss everyone at the University. It sucks to have graduated and have left my best friends behind. Oh well....I'll probably be in school again soon (crosses fingers) but as much as I didn't like scranton while I was there...I miss it now because of the days behind me.

Write back and let me know how you are...if you're not on my friends list let me know and I'll add you :-)

Lots of Love and Puppy Dog Kisses.

P.S. Martha is doing well after her spay and declaw. She hurts a little but she's still running around like a nutcase at night. The good thing is she has calmed down a little and sleeps more. :o)

P.S. he loved my new personal statement. a few more to go

PLEASE VOTE!!

If we put Bush in office for another 4 years it will be a horrible showing of the US's belief in a radically conservative dumbass who led us into a war that has now claimed more than 1,000 American lives. These 1,000 men and women died after aBush said Mission complete. We will have more conflict, more humiliation, less support from world nations, higher unemployment, higher taxes, less people who can afford adequate healthcare for themselves and their families. John Kerry is at least tryinig to correct our mistakes not pretending they never happened.

Besides the fact that my co-workers suck, they looked at gay porn on the computer at work, put up a half-naked men screensaver on it, and you so many derogatory ethnic slang terms (i.e. a certain reprehensible term for Hispanics)....my personal statement got ripped apart by an editor so I'm rewriting it. Hopefully he'll like this one.

I just wanna shoot myself....I'm going crazy I swear. This week is going to be crazy....gotta write my ass off, drop off some stuff for Dr. Twonsend on Thursday then fly back here to write some more. I'm gonna cancel Dr. DJ's letter of rec and ask Sharon to write one again. Hopefully she will and she better not screw me this time.

Going to bed....just wrote for about 5-6 hours. Still got a ton more to go. Writing a personal statement is harder than anything I did in college. Can I go back???

I never really realized the type of people I left when I went to school. Scranton people are better than I thought. The people at work suck but I'm counting down the days until I can leave. I'm coming unravelled though. I am in an emotional drainage ditch right now and I'm paranoid that the vet won't write me a good letter of recommendation because of all that's gone on there. I just want to be a vet...that's all I want to do. Just so much is standing in my way.

I actually went to the church after work today because I don't know what else to do...it's bad when I go to the church. I just have to hold in there until next week when I see my psychiatrist. I think I might need to search for a therapist.

I got a kitten named Martha about a month ago...she's growing so fast. She's half tabby and half calico so she has a little of the cali attitude. She's so goofy and she drives me crazy sometimes but I lover her to death.

God....when you think you're almost completely over someone, and they're out of you mind, they show up in your head again. I think it's just my emotional state right now....I think about all I've lost and automatically put all the blame of the world on my shoulders.

Well I think I'm gonna go to bed early tonight and sleep in tomorrow. It is suicidal to hope you just won't wake up tomorrow and have to deal with it all????

Graduation was good. Got a 3.7 instead of the 3.4 I thought I was going to get. Didn't have any time off before work started but that's the real world.

So I've been working at an animal hospital. Things are going well there; I've learned a lot. I didn't get the internship at Disney though :O( Oh well, can't have everything you want, right??? We'll see what happens with my life from here.

It's getting late and I want to go play with Martha, a 9 wk old kitten I adopted, before I go to bed. She just needs to learn the pleasantness of petting and that she can bite all the time (not hard biting but play biting). I'll write again soon...I know I haven't in a while.

~Me

Okay so I didn't go see Fraustino yesterday because I woke up late and had a meeting. I have a solid B+ right now so I just wanna keep it. Stressing a bit about my Nutrition final on friday...hope I do okay. I have one class tomorrow (my last oncology class at 2:30) and my final on friday at 10am. Then I have a party in class on monday at 10 and class at 3 on Monday. I only have a few classes left...it's so weird.

Going home on friday because I have to go to work on saturday to learn the layout and stuff. Sunday going to Susquehanna on Sunday for my sis's graduation.

Yet to do....final friday in nutrition, final wednesday in vertebrate, 5 page take home paper final for theology due wednesday, final thursday in oncology. Then I'm done.

Making it through...just need to do okay in everything to keep my grades up for vet school reapp.

Going to bed early for once :O)

Made a graduation background. I can't wait to get out of here and do something other than study. Yet I thought it only appropriate. It's really hard to believe I'm graduating college on the 30th. It's surreal.

Got over the whole trauma from the other day....just realized I didn't know someone as well as a thought. I tell myself I shouldn't have trusted but I did because I loved. I'll make it through though....I'll be stronger for it.

My parents and sis came up on saturday and we had a lovely dinner. I have hydrangeas on my desk and some flowers floating in a water bowl looking pretty. Got my vert paper done and handed it in today. Have to make a few changes in my poetry paper but I'm gonna go see him tomorrow and see if he'll proof it...he really pointed out things last time that made it better (got an A/A- on it too). Studying for my nutrition final which will be the death of me I believe. I'm stressed about only having 4 days to study for it plus I'm having trouble sleep (hence why I'm up at this hour). Just can't wait to be done with this week and this semester.

Trying not to sink myself...just trying to wade.

It's interesting...you think you know a person...hell you fell in love with the person. Then you realize you didn't know them as well as you thought and get disappointed. I mean I should say I'm glad that it happened before I said "I do" but, man, it's like a biting whip being brought straight across your face. That'll teach me for dwelling on something I thought I wanted more than anything. The idiotic part of the whole thing...I still want it. Masochistic me.

Page 10 of the paper is done...4 more to go. Parents coming for dinner tomorrow. Got my last two sets of honor cords. Going on the biology bar crawl tonight. hopefully getting my car back tomorrow. Paper due monday, then working on the one due wednesday. God life can bite you in the ass somedays...and the bitch has got some big teeth too. :O(

I know this icon doesn't go with the background but oh well....deal.

I saw this on purple_smurf's website <http://lazarus.mimoza-mak.net/squared/romeo.html> She's got a lot of great icons for when you don't feel like making them yourself (like I did tonight as I stumbled upon the bookmark I had for her site)

Got my job. Interviewed at 4, sent her my references at 7, she called me the next day around noon and told me I had it. U. of Illinois told me I was there academic posterchild and if I don't get in it's because I need me varied experience. I want to hear from Disney already...not for another month though.

I had a dream about melissa the other night - that she wanted to see me cause she was in Scranton but she was seeing a guy med school student. I thought I was getting over it because I had really not thought about it alot. Guess I haven't yet. I still love her. I can't even bring myself to look at the rings (they're locked up in the closet so I don't see them). :O( I shouldn't be dwelling...I'll stop being a nitwit.

Crisis in friends-land but better now. Got confronted...confronted back and rectified it. The girls in the Women's Support Group gave me the balls to do it.

I'm currently starting page 6 of my Vertebrate Paper. I may need to make it transition a little better between primary sources but I'll wait till the end (since I don't currently have transition between...only one article addressed). Needs to 14 pages so I'm doing good so far. Steele didn't give us a paper today...thank god again. Hope he doesn't give us one thursday so I can work on my vert paper, then complete my poetry paper for a week today (wednesday), and study for my Nutrition final next friday. It's gonna be crazy but once the big paper is done...I can really concentrate on everything else.

Parents are coming up for dinner on Saturday. Thought I'd invite them up to eat at the apartment since they never actually stay here for more than 20 minutes. Trying to work things out with them...going pretty well. I know they hope I'll be straight now but who knows what will happen next. Just not trying to bring up the issue until it needs to be brought up since I don't need anymore stress in my life.

My mood has been all over the map the past 2 weeks or so. Particularly since my car was damaged and not being able to go anywhere. I never realized how important it is for me to drive for stress relief. I'm trying to get my mood to even out and I think it will when this paper is done and the next one is being worked on.

Well I wanted to go to bed about 45 minutes ago so I'm gonna head to bed so I can get up in the morning in time for a shower (unlike yesterday).

~Always...Me


P.S. Talked with my sis today for a little while. It was cute. Her last day was today (lucky b**ch lol)

Is it the end yet???

Having trouble on my vertebrate paper YET AGAIN! Endothermy papers are theory this and theory that. No stats...no reasearch (empirical) so it's driving me crazy. I'm at the library and I think I may do the paper on crypsis, what it is, what kinds there are, and a cost benifit analysis. I hope it works. Steele didn't give us a paper for the weeken, thank god, but he may give us one on tuesday. Pray he doesn't...I'm a nervous wreck as it is.

I'll post again later if I have time...need to do something productive again.

Okay so I changed out of my Hermione for President background and icon (not that I don't want her to win...GO HERMIONE!!!) I saw an awesome movie called Camp the other day. It just resonated with me so I thought I'd share it with all of you guys.

Not much to say... my Disney interview went pretty well. I'm nervous though. I just want to get it. I want a lot of things so we'll see what happens. Cross your fingers for me.

So how about I've been going to sit in the chapel lately. Not sure what it's about...I don't follow the Catholic Church not do I believe in Jesus, transubstantiation, etc. We'll see what happens...I think I might have faith in something...even if I'm not sure what it is.